It is difficult to assist a loved one battling with depression. Sometimes we are quick to assume our loved one is being lazy, unrealistic, or we place excuses on their behaviors to make them seem “totally fine”. The truth is that they ARE NOT TOTALLY FINE.

Most people wake up every morning, and begin with their routine. The term, “rise and grind”, comes to mind. Every now and then we hit a hurdle, hop it, and get back on track within a few days. Some have difficulty getting over those hurdles. They stay behind, while they witness others speeding towards the finish line. The couple of days it takes a typical individual to get back on track, eventually fades into weeks, even months for those that can’t push through. The ability to notice when a loved ones needs a boost is crucial for their recovery. So when you do notice a change in your loved ones behaviors, sleep habits, social habits, or eating habits, what can you do?

Prepare Yourself

We all want to help when we witness a loved one suffering, but we are not all capable or prepared to jump right in. When assisting a loved one with depression, you must have a positive mind set yourself, and be mentally prepared for whatever you may need to go against. What if you heard your 12 year old say they wanted to kill themselves? Would you be prepared to hear that and respond appropriately? Going in with anger and resentment yourself can sabotage the help you are trying to give your loved one. If you feel as though you are battling emotional complications yourself, do not throw yourself into the company of a depressed loved one. It is not only going to cause more harm than good for your loved one, but it can end up destroying you as well. On the other hand, if you feel as though your mind is clear and ready to assist, here are some ideas to initiate a conversation…

Taking Action

This is possibly the hardest task as a loved one: How to initiate a conversation with someone that is exhibiting symptoms of depression? It is especially difficult when it is your own children. The more direct and calm you are in your approach, the better reaction you will receive. Simply asking, “How was your day?” will get a one word response, especially from your kids. Instead ask them more direct questions: “Did anything excite you today?” “What was one amazing thing that happened today?” “Who did you get to talk to today?” “Did you get frustrated at anything today?” “What was the main event of your day?” Typically, these questions will stir up emotions that you will be able to at least see physical responses to. (If I ask my kids these questions, I can’t get them to stop talking!) If your loved one still only responds with one word, a shoulder shrug, or a blank stare, it can be a possibility that they need some help.

An engaging conversation means that you provide every ounce of your attention to the subject matter: your loved ones mental health. Whether this means: taking them out one on one to a quiet coffee shop, restaurant, or park, or simply creating a quiet space at home for you to sit together and talk, make sure it is a warm and comfortable environment for your loved one. You may need to initiate the conversation by voicing your concerns about the behavioral changes you have noticed. Never use a stern voice. This will force them to create more barriers. Instead, be nurturing without making excuses for them to hide behind. (i.e. I know you have been really stressed about ______. This is an excuse for them to utilize.) Allow them time to tell their story. Even if you sit in silence for what might seem hours. Sometimes, that may be just what they need. Asking them what you can do to help them. This allows them to see you as a strong pillar they can turn to.

Journaling

I appreciate the power of journaling. If you yourself have never tried it, you need to. Encouraging your loved one to journal will have such a graceful impact. I have seen the power of journaling in my own children. My husband brought home the Kids 5 Minute Journal one day. I was so excited! I use the original version of The 5 Minute Journal every day. I now write journal entries WITH my kids every morning at breakfast, and every night at bedtime. The positivity of writing out what they are grateful for and what amazing things happened in their day has completely shifted their behaviors, which were growing insanely negative. My oldest also battles with hormonal switches a lot, but when she journals, her attitude and outlook is so much happier and positive. I find that when I do not journal, I get in a funk, and have a hard time climbing out of the pit I created. Give an amazing gift of a journal to a loved one that you notice is battling something. It doesn’t have to be anything with questions or quotes. It can be a lined notebook, something your loved one can just write, and write, and write in. Sometimes writing their problems out can be such an amazing form of therapy.

Create A Positive Mirror

I LOVE THIS ONE! A friend of mine showed me a picture she found of a long mirror on a wall. It was surrounded with wood planks stating words of power: Happiness, Strength, Health, Love, Mind, Relationships, and Worth. At the top of the mirror the statement: “I Am Responsible For My Own…”. I am putting this in the kids hallway so they can see this (and say it in the mirror) every morning. Put a reinforcer near your loved ones that they can see every day. If they don’t live with you, give them laminated cards or planks that say positive reinforcers like: “I am worthy”, “I am loved”, “I am powerful”, “I fill my mind with positivity”. They can place them where they can see them at home. Reminding themselves of their own worth is so important in their state of sadness and desperation. I think this one is equally as important to instill in your loved ones without depressive symptoms. Teaching self worth starting at a young age will build such a strong sense of self empowerment.

Hit Something

Now, I’m do not advocate violence, but I have heard so many awesome things about “Smash Rooms”. I’ve even had a couple of friends who frequent them to release anger. Some may be against this method, and that is ok…No Judgement! But, for those who have so much built up inside that they just can’t contain any “normal” emotions anymore, this could be an amazing option. There are family smash rooms, couple smash rooms, and individual smash rooms. You wear full protective gear and enter a room filled with items to SMASH. The adrenaline rush you have upon smashing things with a baseball bat could be the blood flow your loved one may need to feel ALIVE again.

Puzzles/Strategy Games

I personally love puzzles, and have slightly passed my addiction of puzzles down to my children. Puzzles and strategy games calm the mind and trigger focus on one subject. Redirecting attention to one key focal point is magical when anxiety and stress are on the rise. Technology actually adds more stress and anxiety to the mind and eye triggers. So, just put the phones down, turn the TV off, and grab a puzzle or play a card game. You can even find puzzles on the bookshelves of some coffee shops…great way to reset your loved ones mind and initiate a conversation.

Schedule Sessions

You don’t have to be a therapist, but setting a regular chat session with your loved one can make a major impact. After you have declared yourself prepared to initiate a conversation, have a conversation, and engage in a conversation, set up a regular “meet up” with them. Even leave them with a challenge (maybe journaling at least once a day!) they have to return with. This gives them something to look forward to.

If YOU are ready…Let your loved one know you are there for them. Let your loved one know that you truly are concerned. Let your loved one know that you are prepared to battle it with them.