“It’s a new year, time to make a Resolution!” “Perfect time to lose those extra pounds!” “Time to set those intentions for the New Year!” “Here’s a diet that will work for you!” And my personal favorite: “New Year, New You!’ As if there is something WRONG with the “old” you.

We have all heard the hundreds of pitches at the beginning of a New Year. And a lot of us feel that extra bolt of energy and motivation to jump on the band wagon. This is fantastic! We all need a swift jolt every now and then in order to wake us up. But, when you can sit down and open heartedly look at the past year; appreciate the moments you are proud of; and PLAN out how to adjust certain outcomes that didn’t navigate how you initially wanted: that is NOT a Resolution. It is a RESET. It is my firm belief that Resolutions always fail us, and cause more stress and anxiety than motivation and relief. Resetting allows us to assess where we are, and refocus on our next steps in order to achieve Happiness and Harmony.

Resolutes Downfall

Now I’m not telling you to push off goals or outcomes for the year to come. If you have made a resolution, great! However, in order to fulfill a resolution, one should know the definition of the actual word: “A firm decision to do or not do something.” Seems simple and very direct. 9 out of 10 people will, in fact, fail at their own resolution. Why is that? When we look at the average person, determination to stay the course 100% of the time…is simply not human. There are always times we must adapt to our surroundings in order to maintain basic human needs. It’s just the way life goes sometimes. Some people allow themselves “cheat days” (which I don’t understand these, but if your still healthy and it works for you, go for it.) Others find ways to alter recipes for their dietary needs, have “off days” for physical recovery, and (I need to try this one) take mental days!

Setting a Resolution, means just that. You are being resolute, determined 100% to go the course. No cheat days, no adjustments, no “off days”. We all start off with high energy and intense determination, but that all fades and eventually, the Resolution becomes a background idea “we might get around to accomplishing one day”. Personally, I would rather set up certain destinations throughout the year that would improve my current status. A New Year means a chance to appreciate what we have learned from our past, and what we will enhance in the coming year…an opportunity to RESET!

RESET IT

I used to set Resolutions every year. I wasn’t terrible at achieving them, but I never really committed to them 100%, or I would find an easy one that I knew I wouldn’t fail at. (I know I’m not the only one that did that!!!) Becoming a mom, was another excuse for getting side tracked and not seeing through to the end of my goals. “I have way to much to do”, “the schedule is to chaotic to train”, “it is okay to cheat once in a while…I gotta live it up while I can”. So many comments to myself to assure my ego that it was totally fine to go off course once in a while. That’s when it struck me like a lightning bolt…You DO NOT have to be resolute in achieving a goal or outcome that will bring you happiness and harmony.

Some of you may be asking, “What on earth does that even mean?” (Well, you are reading The Mental Mom) We all get so entranced by ONE goal, that we completely bypass the amazing amount of other goals we are accomplishing along the way. Or, we tend to pass up so many other opportunities in order to knock out that one goal. Both of these finalities make me think that we are beginning to evolve into a world that truly does not live presently, but only for what we cannot see or control in the future. Why would we want to do that? Also, why would we want to educate our kids that way? “Only live for what you cannot embrace or control!” That sounds terrible when it is said out loud.

Reaching our goals is such an invigorating sensation, but we need to carry that sensation throughout the journey of attaining our goals. Observing our actions, our steps, as we move closer, and embracing the moments that are present, and right in front of us, is the idea behind RESET.

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Past

Observe your past! Don’t have such a negative outlook on where you have been. Take it for what it has been, grab the important nuggets of information from it, and recalibrate for the days ahead. In other words, learn from your past, and become better and stronger for the next round. It doesn’t always work out the way we wanted, and that TOTALLY SUCKS! (You thought I was going to say, “and that’s ok”.) I’ll be honest, it’s not ok. If you feel terrible about it, it probably sucked. But, that shouldn’t wreck your life! Change it, alter it, do something that will make it NOT suck. Other times it does work out! Now that is fantastic! However, change is always good, and can bring an even better outcome than the previous one. Never hide from where you have been. Face it, take it, and break it!

Set IT

Chatting with some of my friends, I realized that my New Year doesn’t truly start until the kids go back to school and routines are back in session! So, I have literally just begun my RESET this year. I will tell you, I have done my Reset for the past two years, and my mental stability is grateful for it! I set multiple goals that I want to reach by the summer time. Breaking up my goals into different areas of my life helps me encompass my whole self. I love setting a physical, a health (nutrition), and a personal (what I want to learn) goal each year. I never set a goal with a firm “has to”. If life throws me an amazing opportunity that I feel will give me and those around me joy and happiness, I will alter my goal. Nothing should be definite!

Setting goals are so important for humans. They give us a reason to wake up, be present, feel accomplished, and push ourselves beyond what we know is possible. But, we tend to leave out a very important aspect of setting goals…You should be flexible. Life is unpredictable, no matter how much we plan for it. Chaos happens, obstacles pop up, and amazing opportunities show up at the most interesting moments of life. Without flexibility we miss out on ALL that life has to offer, and what others have to offer! Nothing AMAZING ever happens when we put our head down and hit one gear. You may reach your destination, but the journey will be nothing but asphalt.

Be Welcoming

To others, we show warmth, kindness, empathy, and pride. To ourselves, we become the worst critic and prison guard to our choices and forget to celebrate how far we have come. Be welcoming to yourself! Invite in all that has happened in your life, let it stay for a cup of coffee. Release it when all the reflection is over. And get to work! Where we have been, and where we are, are not terrible. We are in fact alive, and able to move forward this year, regardless of where we were in the past.

“Is your glass half empty or half full?” “I think I’m grateful to have a glass.” -Charlie Mackesy

Cheers to a New Year!!!