A Family Responsibility
“How can your story, your journey, help others?” Yup, I know I have heard that tons of times. Even Rick (my marketing husband) has stated it to me multiple times. But, for some reason a certain lecture struck me like a bolt, straight to my core! I have always felt that my purpose in life is to be a supporter! A Cheerleader! I love seeing my family and friends kick butt! Whether it be in a sport, arts, or even health! Yes, I participate as well, but what brings me even more Joy is seeing others achieve what they have always questioned was possible! As I have come to truly understand what my purpose is, it has made life within my world seem so much more cohesive. Events, functions, schedules are exciting to plan, rather than a burden. Supporting and cheering one another on is as rewarding for us, as it is for the one achieving their goal! Is it absolute chaos still? You bet! But, once you open up the perspective in the home, that chaos becomes a smoother voyage that the entire family can manage to sail.
First Things First
As we begin to break down the chaos, there is something that we need to establish! Very basic break down: Who do you care for on a regular basis? Who lives within the home? Once we know this, we move to the next bank of questions…Who opens up the sails (the financial income & ideas creator -could be mom, dad, or both)? Who steers the ship (who chooses to organize and coordinate the daily routine of things -could be mom, dad, or both)? Who molds the flow of the ship as it takes to adventures (this is typically kids or grandparents)?
The similarities of managing a sailing ship and managing a home is pretty striking. A sailing ship takes multiple crew members, with multiple responsibilities to reach any destination on its map. A family has members that can choose to accept their responsibilities in order to achieve goals; or at least course correct to adjust either the goal at hand, or path to take. If a family member chooses to not accept their responsibilities, it doesn’t just throw them overboard, it can bring the entire ship off course, or worse, cause the ship to sink. So, you see why it is important to have all members and the responsibilities assigned and executed properly? This isn’t to say these responsibilities will not interchange, or even be perfectly executed! They will with time. Eventually, the children will grow up, and take on the parents responsibilities for their own families. This is another impactful reason to be a powerful leader by being an example of how to properly manage your home. (Most animals in the wild have to train their young in order to survive…we are no different!) Give our kids the ultimate understanding as to why we should embrace our responsibilities, and not just how to execute them!
Work As One Unit
It can be extremely challenging as a parent to solely take on multiple tasks, events, school functions, aging grandparents, family events, sports, cooking, meal planning, working…all of the things!! SO…JUST…STOP! You, the parents, do not HAVE to do everything. In fact, when the parents have a tendency to do almost everything, they are the ones that tend to suffer. Moms tend to typically take on the burden, be it emotionally , and/or more often than not, physically. That’s not to say it doesn’t affect dad, but mom tends to be the higher statistic to take on the bigger blow. So many studies have found that mothers have a very high risk of being diagnosed with chronic illnesses, mental disorders, and autoimmune diseases (risks increasing with multiple children). I know what that feels like. It’s lonely, it stressful, it’s even frightening to have certain thoughts go through your mind! You feel like no one will be able to help you. To be completely upfront…IT SUCKS! No wonder so many moms looks worn down, stressed, overweight, or even like skeletons. We moms can take a dark side approach to parenting right from the get go! But, we really don’t have to…we have the choice to share a huge chunk of the responsibilities we feel we need to take care of…we just need to cut through all the lies and stories we tell ourselves in order to give those responsibilities over to other members of the family.
Once I discovered that Rick was the eyes of our family (man, did that take me a while!), he was the one that opened the sails for us, I was all about taking over being the guide for our family. I knew that the responsibility of finding safety, opportunities, and treasures were on him. That was quite a relief…for me at least! Ha! I could own my responsibility now! I plan the schedule, I plan the meals, I buy the food, I conduct the chaos! And I love it! Now, at our season of life currently, our kids have taken on responsibilities that I used to conduct, leaving me more time to pursue my passions and career. This may not be the exact depiction of how your family functions now, or will function down the road…but you get the picture! We each need to open our perspectives to the idea that YOU ALONE cannot take on all the responsibilities of the household! The family needs to work together!
In Sickness & In Health
Getting married and having a family can be thrilling, but it can also be frightening at times, especially with a diagnosis or illness. This is where I found my true passion for what I do! I grew up thinking that as we get older, we are just going to develop some form of illness, be it cancer or neurological disorder, and die from that. There was no other way! I witnessed loved ones die with a variety of illnesses and diseases. Until my grandmother! She was different. She died in her mid 90’s. No diagnosed illness. My perspective, she was happy, felt like she did what she needed to, and it was her time to go. She called the shots on when she would take her exit. I thought that was odd…no illness, no cancer, no horrible symptoms, mind was sharp as a tack. She was even cracking jokes with the nurses and the family two days before she passed (the last time I ever saw her alive). Hmmm…so maybe this whole “grow old, get sick, and die from a disease” thing was a false assumption! Yup…it totally is!
The truth about living a long and healthy life, and to go on your terms, is to prevent illness from consuming you! That’s a tall order living in our society! But, it’s doable. The Blue Zones are a fantastic example of how cohesive flow with family and community enhance not only the quantity of life, but the quality as well. Even when these individuals become ill, their families and communities gather around them. They support them. They take over their responsibilities. They encourage their healing. This is why these zones have the highest range of life expectancy and lowest rates of death caused by illnesses. In modern society, families are broken, living far away from one another; we move multiple times in our lifetime, having to start from scratch building a new community every time we move; our country thrives on quick fixes, pills, and prescription drugs; our kids are subjected to unhealthy food that destroys their bodies and minds on a regular basis, along with only being taught subjects from a textbook and not life skills. These are just a few of the stressors Americans have to face day to day. All the more reason to create a family that operates as a one strong unit!
Bold Steps
Living with multiple people, in different seasons of life, creates a difficult foundation for any member of that home when diagnosed with an illness. In most cases, we sit in a cold room, listen to a Doctor ramble off a diagnosis, and are then sent on our way with a piece of paper with a diagnosis. No other means of assistance…you are on your own. In comes Google with thousands of methods on reversing or curing you. But which one suits you? Ugh…yup, been there, done that. The hardest part is the actual effort of implementing any of those practices in your home…when you’re the only one doing the steps! In came most of the research and education I have accomplished and absolutely love!
It really isn’t about deprivation, or even forcing everyone in the home to eat, sleep, exercise, or even meditate exactly the same. Nope…not how I operate! (I’m pretty sure my own family would have failed if I attempted to do that!) Each family member has their own unique needs and wants. The discovery comes with a deep dive into learning about each persons signals, and listening for all of them. Most of us live with a silencing mechanism. We tune out when a signal is being sent to us, saying “Hey, you are seriously irritating me right now!” Getting the brain trained to hear those signals, and utilize those signals to prevent us from horrible symptoms, or worse diagnosis, is the key to what I love to do! At the same time, learning about the risks of certain lifestyle choices, health choices, and nutritional choices gives all members of the family the proper insight to any and all triggers to account for.
Creating an understanding, beginning at the most basic level and digging even deeper, helps every family member not only prevent illness, but also helps them learn how to support others in the home that may already have a diagnosis. When one family member receives a diagnosis, everyone in that home has a responsibility within that diagnosis. Instead of causing a sensation of isolation and repeated temptation resulting in harmful divulging, each family member is responsible for encouraging healthier lifestyle choices, keeping temptations at a minimum, and cheering each family member on when the struggle becomes to heavy to carry. Yes, it’s a tall order, but once every family member takes to their responsibilities, it becomes much easier achieve all health goals for everyone! We can’t all live in a blue zone, but we can at least simulate one within our own homes!
Building a strong home requires each member, even the smallest ones, to take to some responsibilities. We need to break the statistics of chronic illness, cancer, and unnecessary early death by taking action within our homes! Our homes are the foundation that creates our lifestyle and lifespan! It’s time we parents take the control back over our homes, our family, and our health…together! It’s our responsibility!
