Career SAHP: Stay At Home Parent

My name is Regina Steele, and I am a Stay At Home Mom! There, I said it! And it feels amazing to own that title. I haven’t always been excited about stating that out loud, but I’m here to tell you that once I began to SAY it OUT LOUD, I became an all-star at my career!

Choosing My Career

On career day in elementary school, I always knew what I wanted to be when I “grew up”: A Choreographer! I loved everything Paula Abdul, and would always lock my bedroom door, turn on my tape deck to “Shut Up & Dance” , and create the most amazing dances ever. (At least in my mind they were.) I attempted Ballet in the 4th grade, and was not a fan. My body type was not accurate for a white leotard, to be honest. Then, in high school I enrolled into a dance class. I fell in love with dancing and choreography. I had decided in my Junior year that I would go to college to earn a degree in dance, then move to New York or L.A. to work in “The Industry”. Little did I know that my future journey would be quite different than I had planned.

During my last year of college is when I met THE ONE. Four years later we said “I DO’. We got married and thought we would wait a couple of years; travel and have some alone time. Well, that lasted for about two months, when we decided to add some kids to our chaos. You don’t just stumble upon the idea to become a Stay At Home Mom. “Things” need to happen, if you know what I mean. And so my amazing journey as a mom began.

Owning My Choice

After our first was born, I still wasn’t sure if I would be a stay at home mom. I continued tinkering around with idea of having a part time job. Even when our second daughter was born, I still wasn’t “settled” on the idea of staying home full time. Now let me paint this picture:

I had a 17 month old and a new born at home. My husband was working 50+ hours a week as the CMO of a rapidly growing company. My parents lived 6 hours away. I still hadn’t found a babysitter at this point. And I was the only one in my group of friends that had a toddler and a new born…and I was still questioning whether or not I should be a stay at home mom!!! Then 8 months later I got pregnant with our third…THE BOY!!!

When my son was born, I was so overjoyed. He was perfect, just like his sisters. I loved being pregnant. I even loved labor. I know that sounds completely nuts, but the adrenaline rush of knowing what is about to happen, and how you created life…there are no true words to describe it! But then the joy subsided and agony creeped in.

My anxiety from the chaos, and attempting to “handle” everything, never asking for help, overwhelmed me. Depression lurked over me as I tried to fight it off, not even truly knowing that it was breeding inside of me. Growing stronger and stronger every day. The screaming would grow louder, the fuses would burst at the smallest insignificances. I neglected my husband, my kids were my “anger pillow” that I would release all my emotions on. And then there was ME. I never turned any attention on myself. Most days I rarely ate anything, just little nibbles here and there. My appearance was like the walking dead, and my “spark” was completely faded out. I continuously had extremely selfish and harmful thoughts. Negative thoughts about my entire family, about my sacrifices for them, about how much I just wanted to run away. There was nothing that could excite me anymore, nothing to make me look forward to the next day. And that was when I had enough.

I CHOSE to get ME better. I wanted to be a better wife, mom, and person! I wanted to find joy again in my life. I wanted to find my purpose, my drive; what am I supposed to do in this short life I have? It’s not supposed to be this miserable! I loved my husband, I loved my kids, but I couldn’t FEEL that love that I had for them. I needed to FEEL that love, so I could show them how much I loved them. Digging deep inside of myself, adjusting the distorted visions I had of what my life was '“supposed to be like”, was like a re-birth. I am still adjusting many visions, but with each adjustment, I am FEELING even more love for my amazing family.

A few months ago, I came to the realization that I had chosen my career about 10 years ago, I just fought it- again, and again, and again. I was truly meant to be a mom. A STAY AT HOME MOM. I love learning, and as a mom, you have to adapt and learn something new practically every moment of the day. You have to “choreograph” chaos, and man do I love choreographing! (Not the kind I imagined so many years ago, but I love it just the same.) You have to be organized with time and objects, and I am somewhat over organized! You have to be the ultimate cheerleader, greatest advice giver, you have to have ever expanding knowledge (you are the walking GOOGLE for your kids), you have to be a great chef so your family can have the best nutrition base possible, and you have to TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!

Due Respect

I have immense love and appreciation for each and every “hat” that I GET to style every day. That style is all mine, because only I can run the operations like I do in my home. I am the CEO of everything that goes on inside my “office”. As a SAHP, we need to understand how to operate our home like a business. We are the top in command, so we need to respect our home and ourselves as we would in a business. Set goals, set budgets, set boundaries, set rules, have meetings, give positions and tasks to others in the home to assist you, create an office (or at least a command center), and one of the hardest tasks for every SAHP is take breaks and take vacations. You earn every bit of those, just as much as anyone working in an office! The pay off is priceless, and the true reward of self respect will continue to drive you every day.

Appreciation

It is my belief, that the hardest job, is being a stay at home parent. It truly is a calling. For some, like myself, it takes many years to realize that it is the career intended for you. For a job with so many different positions to fill every day, the title; “Stay At Home Parent”, seems contradictory. Mainly because I am almost never home, so how is it that “stay at home” is even in the title? The constantly changing, constantly evolving role we have to command every day needs our full commitment. It is my hope that all of you amazing Stay At Home Parents realize how amazing and truly powerful we are in this world, and how much of an impact we make not just in our own homes, but in our society as a whole. We all chose this career, now we GET to OWN that title!