The Silent Society
Emotionless. Cold. Cut off. Disengaged. Absent. These are some of the descriptions I have heard from kids, my own kids, when asked how they feel when those they are with are engaged on tech devices in their presence. They aren’t the only ones. I have felt these emotions at times as well, and I know many individuals, I’m sure, that have shared in these emotions. So many of us are guilty of becoming comfortable with the “normal” of shutting out our surroundings in order to respond to something that CAN wait.
I’m not going to bash technology. It has it’s amazing capabilities, and creates so many opportunities and conveniences we have never had previously. But, we already live in an “excess society”. We already have so much, and always crave more. (Which is great, but can also be absolutely life shattering at the same time.) The severe damage inflicted by excessive tech use has already revealed its ugly face, and even more danger is creeping in the background. If we don’t start using tech in moderation, and show our kids how to utilize it within boundaries, the numbers of those diagnosed with anxiety, stress, depression, and suicide will continue to rise at an alarming rate.
Numbers Don’t Lie
1 in 3 kids will be diagnosed with anxiety and depression by the age of 19. 1 in 2 adults will be diagnosed with depression or anxiety by the age of 40, and the number rises later in life. We have never before seen such staggering statistics in these diagnosis. And the numbers continue to increase, as does tech use. The connection between the two has been ignored, and continues to be swept under the rug. (Somewhat similar to the food industry completely ignoring the harsh chemicals still used in foods they continue to push and sell…but that’s for another blog.) It’s time to get REAL here, and discuss why tech can be damaging if used irresponsibly, much like anything else in life. This isn’t just for kids, we are talking about adults too. While adults tend to have a higher stress level caused by work and lifestyle choices, they too get overwhelmed by the pull of technology.
The “Social Experiment”
How many hours do you spend on social media? Do you know how much time your kids spend on social platforms? (It may seem as though I am just targeting social media, but let’s check out the actual stats.) Most people have a general idea, but when you calculate how many hours a week, it can be jaw dropping. The average found in a national survey was 2 hours and 22 minutes per day PER PERSON. That may not seem like a lot. But per week, that is 15 hours and 54 minutes, almost 16 hours!!! That’s around 830 hours a year!!! That’s a lot of time used to watch other’s live in their worlds, while we “ignore” ours. Whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, Tick Tock, Youtube, or any of the hundreds of other social networks out there, be aware of time spent on these platforms. That’s all they are. It is spectacular to see so many helping others, discussing challenges that need to be addressed, pouring empathy and love to those that need it, and learning about events from actual sources when we need to be informed. But so many times these platforms are used as a distraction, and for negative social agendas. These are the dangers that kids are drowning in today.
Cyber bullying is becoming the locker room beat down session. “Fake Life” is becoming an addicts dream, and a dangerous competition for millions. Social platforms are becoming an escape world for many to live in. (I sometimes feel as though some of these Sci Fi movies aren’t far off.) It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s easier to portray an amazing life than to work extremely hard to truly have one. While some accept this, and are willing to live that way, reality will open the door one day, and that is when the anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts will start to creep in.
“She’s hanging out with her?” “Why wasn’t I invited?” “Ugh, I’ll never be able to do that!” Thousands of negative thoughts race through our minds as we scroll through others lives on social media. Very rarely do we mentally have positive thoughts, unless we are directly related to it, of course. I am sooooo guilty of this myself. I purposely limit my usage of social media because I know I mentally cannot handle too much of “others lives” on a daily basis. I tend to crack up (especially with my husband) when others ask if I saw a certain post on social media. I usually say no. If it is supposed to be important to me, then it will be shared with me privately. (It is ok to not know what kind of chapstick Kim Kardashian is wearing this morning.)
Teens have to cope with the social competition at school. Today, however, the social competition doesn’t end when the bell rings, it is open for play 24/7. The mental strain it places on teens holds no boundaries over who is targeted. Popular, not popular, athlete, theater, cheerleader…all of these kids are on the same level playing field when it comes to competitive social status. A teen unaware of the TRUE nature of tech usage, and future damage it can bring, is creating a future generation that will become catatonic into adulthood. Unable to communicate with another individual face to face. Only capable of text on a screen emotionless, cold, and disconnected. Bringing more awareness of moderation (in all things), and less of excessiveness will be a source of stability for most, especially teens and kids.
Symptoms of an Addict
“What was that?” Followed by the screen unlocking on the phone, all social pages being opened up, and email being checked. Only to find out it was actually someone else's tech device. Sound familiar? This might be hilarious to hear in your head, but it is actually a sign of addiction. The SOUND of your (or another's) tech device triggers a physical response from you. Or perhaps you don’t react, but you know of a loved one that does. It’s scary to hear that you have an addiction, and some may not think being addicted to tech is a bad thing, but any addiction is bad news.
The sound queue and scrolling on a device actually releases a dopamine affect. Dopamine is a cute little transmitter in our brain that gives us a “reward” for an “action”. So, if we hear the queue, our brain gets excited, which makes us open our device. Then we see a notification on one of our apps. When we open the app, our brain gets excited, so we scroll to the notifications, noticing that someone commented or liked our post, which in turn gives our brain a “hit”. AHHHHHH, the dopamine release! No wonder so many go back for more throughout the day. The problem, is just that. We crave more time on a device than time spent with actual people. We even cut off the people we are with to get that hit.
Dangers Ahead
The lack of communication is already a struggle among individuals. Throwing excessive tech use in the mix, is a recipe for…yup I’m gonna say it…DISASTER. Watching how teens communicate today, is truly sad. I have witnessed two teens texting one another, while sitting right next to each other. Or, perhaps they were just ignoring each other so they could talk to other people. Either way, I didn’t get it. We are human. We live off of emotional affection and connection. This era is highly encouraging of growth, but I have a hard time seeing an abundance of growth if we continue to stifle our connection to one another.
Not all tech is terrible. I love being able to talk to my sister and her family that live in Japan right now. Playing “Trivia Crack” with my kids is hilarious. And, some of these games are hard for me to figure out. THE PROBLEM: most don’t know when too much is just that, too much!! Talking (and I mean verbalizing words from your mouth) with someone on the phone for 30 minutes is completely different than scrolling your Instagram account for 30 minutes! All that time spent on making your post perfect, while your at dinner with your friends or family, should have been spent talking with them. We don’t realize how much we disengage from those we love, until we no longer have them around.
A “silent” society is a massive danger that may possibly lie ahead. It can crumble anything, and everything that we, as humans, absolutely need to survive. Empathy. Understanding. Compassion. Motivation. Love. These are just a few of the strong hold emotions that individuals need to hear, see, and feel. They cannot be provided by a piece of technology.
ReEngage
You do not have to “cut out” technology, just create barriers and boundaries, not just for yourself, but for your entire family. Maybe no technology at the dinner table. Maybe a limited amount of time per day spent on tech. Maybe even limiting what your kids can watch on tech. I leave my phone in the kitchen when I go to bed. No tech in the bedroom is always a fantastic way to wean off of addiction. Plus, the bedroom should be a calming and relaxing place, tech brings too much “noise”. Take any apps that tend to “pull you in”, off your phone. Only access them on a desktop computer. I know so many people that do this, and they say it helps tremendously. Set timers on your devices that tell you when it’s time to put it down. As for socializing, turn your phone off when you are with someone. Give them your undivided attention. This one is so important with your kids. Remember my “Monkey See Monkey Do”? Well, when you are on your phone, not paying attention to them, it’s not hard to see why they do that to you. We are creatures of habit. We need to begin practicing habits that will ADD to our lives, not take away from it.
There is never an absolute for what the future may hold. But, we can either bring a motivation for a better way to live, or we can give in to brutal addictions that will cause intense destruction and emotional disruption to our society. Understanding moderation for all things is always a great place to start.
