The Table
There are so many memories to choose from in thinking of my childhood. I grew up in a small 3 bedroom house with 5 siblings, my parents, and my grandparents. Some might think it a bit cramped and below moderate living by today’s standards, but I loved it! I was the youngest of 6, so I was teased…a lot. But, let’s not relive those memories (even though I think of them fondly…well, now I do!) The memories that live through me every day are the ones in my families kitchen. The smells, the tastes, the laughter, the yelling (mainly my grandma telling us to stop sneaking bites of the food!), and the steamed up front window on a cold day. When I saw those front bay windows steam up, I knew we were going to be having an amazing hot dinner! And dinner was always eaten together. Every night we would sit down as a family, crammed in around the table. No phones around to distract from the chaos of at least 2 conversations going on at once! We were there, in that moment, fully present with one another. And yes, we kids (mainly the boys) would get in trouble almost every night for rude behaviors, and inappropriate conversations and comments. But even in the discipline around the table, there was always a deeper purpose in gathering together as a family.
THE MEMORIES
Whether you ate at a table, a countertop, even TV dinner trays, I bet everyone can remember so many memories of gathering around “the table” with their families. I don’t know about you, but we did so much more than eat around my table growing up. It was a desk for when I had schoolwork, and grandpa had to tutor me in math. It’s where I learned how to chop vegetables, grate huge wheels of cheese, make pizza dough, and roll meatballs. It’s where we prepared all our holiday meals. It’s where we sewed our costumes for Halloween and our plays at school. It’s where we gathered in sadness to remember those that passed away. It’s where we gathered with friends for birthdays and celebrations. For being such a small space, and such a small piece of wood, it was the place where a majority of life took place for me growing up, and I’m sure many of you could say the same.
For my own family, we have been away from our table more than we are present at it. But, I always notice that when we are all sitting around it, there is always so much laughter. Sometimes a singing or dance concert breaks out. But mainly, we talk about our day and our goals. Everyone puts in effort to truly enjoy one another, to listen to one another, and to even help one another if needed.
THE LESSONS
Having to stop whatever I was doing to go sit at the table for dinner, wasn’t always an agreeable task for me. But if I wasn’t there by the time they were saying prayer, oh man watch out. In a way, gathering when you are expected to, teaches one respect for others’ time. Not just showing up in a mannerly time, but respecting the amount of time and effort it took the person to prepare, plan, and do everything that you are reaping the benefits of. (In this case it was respecting my grandmother and mom for all the food they cooked and served us). Once dinner began, lessons in manners were next on the agenda. With so many people at the table, the food was spread out everywhere. One had to learn to ask someone to pass things to them, and to be patient, and wait for it. Not an easy task for a young kid, but you got used to it. Proper language was a big deal! There was a constant reminder of “Please” and “Thank You” echoed around the table…after all one could choose to NOT give you the sauce if you were rude! So, respectful dialogue was a required exchange during meals, and pretty much every other gathering at the table. Along the same line, if any forced noise released from a mouth, “Excuse Me” better have quickly flung out of your mouth, or a quick tap on the back of your head would remind you that you forgot to say something! Hahaha, my brothers got that the most! Even inappropriate conversations about “bodily functions” and disrespectful behavior was a big no no at the dinner table. Respect of those around you was always the top importance of our gatherings.
The table was ground zero in learning to be, well, a human: How to eat and How to talk. Those of us that lived in smaller homes, the table is where we learned how to prepare and cook our families traditional meals. Sometimes the table turned into the laundry room, where we learned to fold our clothes. In my house now, it becomes a science lab where my kids create interesting blobs and goos. The bakery is my favorite when my kids decide to bake a cake or muffins. We even bring grandma in, and turn the table into a pasta drying house…just like my grandma when I was a kid. So many learning opportunities open up when we utilize our table.
THE IMPACT
I know it’s not the first time you are hearing this, but our society is moving in a downward spiral. I hate for it to sound so gloomy, but everything I mentioned above is a past time. It’s pretty rare to find individuals that still gather as much around the table as we used to, even 10 years ago. The rushed pace of life in our society prevents the full use of a proper table. We live in a grab and go reality that not only prevents us from learning important tools for life, but it is also making us extremely sick. Not only are we raising a couple of generations of children that lack basic manners and conversational ideals, but we are also battling those same generations having a lower life expectancy than their parents. It is quite shocking that for the first time in human history, the life expectancy of an entire generation has gone backwards…and I can’t help but feel partly guilty.
It is time that we, the parents, take back our power around the table. I can’t help but think of my grandparents, and how smart and strong minded they always were (at least in my mind). Me, I rely on Google to answer questions for me…and that right there, makes me feel way below the level I need to be as a wife, a mother, and a woman in our society. We don’t need to rely on social influencers, government, or even Google to help our own kids out. We need to rely on the table; that object that is gathering dust, and being forgotten in our homes. We need to make the time to gather around the table, make memories, and to learn lessons again. Let’s go back to square one…the big square (or rectangle, triangle, round, whatever shape) in our homes and show these younger generations stability, strength, and endurance in gathering together. And who knows, we may even be able to change the fate of their future.
To make an impact, start small. Book one afternoon or night per week that you will gather together for a home cooked meal. Bring the kids in early enough to help you prep and cook. Teach them some cooking skills before you sit down to have that big lesson on manners at the dinner table. Or, if you don’t cook, bring in a friend that does! Place all tech off to the side as you all gather at the table, and be fully engaged in having conversations with everyone. You will be amazed at how much you all share with each other. After dinner, have everyone pitch in to clean up…more lessons! To top off the night, play a board game at the very same table!! Within 3 to 4 hours, you will have shared an abundance of laughter, created memories, and taught many lessons. Your table will thank you for bringing it to life again!
The table is where life happens. If the table is not utilized as it should be, it will only collect dust, and slowly deteriorate. (Read into that however you want.) Clean off that table, and bring life back to it!
